hands

I remember long fingers around my waist, skinny and long, matching my ribs one for one, squeezing that pink skin white.
I remember goosebumps and grass stains when we snuck out of locked windows, where time was only kept by the dew on our backs.
I remember nuzzling in your neck, smelling where vertical veins meet collarbones, green apples on freshly baked bread.
I remember hands held running between trees, tripping over roots, finding the spot where it cleared to woodchips… a collapsed tree, a dance floor for two.
I remember the sound of jangling keys as we shushed each other’s laughs sneaking through illicit hallways and forgotten dressing rooms and dusty storage castles.
I remember mandolin strums on my voicemail, small tears on my pillow harmonizing those lovestruck lullabies.
I remember the first time you said you loved me. Mumbled it rather, into my hair as we lingered outside my door saying good night, and when I walked away, I kept wondering whether I had heard it right or not.
I remember the lone swing by the graveyard, where you pushed me with those long fingers, in silence at dusk.
I remember your laugh. You always laughed at me and I hated when you didn’t, when those long lashes went sad. When I would compromise so much.
I remember the first time I walked away from fingered ribs, a two-step, away, away from a mystery once lost and then found.
I remember remembering then, carpets in your arms, the unspoken words sputtering below, hands holding my wrists.
I remember the hand written notes after, of your sorrow and tales of your dreams, when you would wake with my name on your lips.
I remember sitting under the auditorium, saying to stop, it had to stop. It was enough. I couldn’t compromise anymore. As always you switched my words around. It’s still not enough, for you. You stay here. I’m always remembering and re-remembering you, and your scarily strong hands and my skippity, defenseless heart. It was too much. Just too much too soon, when we stopped being a couple of smitten kids frolicking in grassy fields and starting ruining each other's lives.

dls